Years ago - at least ten - I went on a blind date that did not go well. I knew quite quickly that there would be not even be a second date let alone a possible romance. When the date was over, I politely declined a further meeting. The guy asked why not, so I said the usual you're a nice guy, just not the guy for me.
He wanted to know why not. I didn't want to say. He really really wanted to know. He had an email address (the one I use when I don't want to be stalked. Hmmm. I never want to be stalked. Let's say the one I use with strangers) and he kept asking and asking. His issue was his weight; he had lost a lot, and was still quite heavy. He seemed to want me to come out and say it was a weight thing. The problem, for me, was that it had nothing to do with his weight. It had everything to do with his being as dumb as a sackful of hammers.
So what to do? He clearly had self esteem issues relating to his weight. Telling him it was his weight would confirm his certainty that one can't be loved if you're heavy. Telling him he was just, well, stupid would give him an entire new thing to worry about. What to do? In the end I gave him no answer other than he wasn't the one for me, and I blocked his email. No doubt he's decided on his own that it was the weight issue but at least I didn't cave and tell him the real problem.
I am in a similar situation. I've been out on a date or two with someone that isn't someone I'm romantically interested in. I will tell him that there is just no chemistry for me, which is totally true. If he,like the first guy, pushes for an answer I have a bit of a problem.
The thing is, the real reason for no chemistry sounds totally made up. So made up that I can see someone thiniking "jeez. Why not just say I'm not interested". But it is the truth. I could, on the other hand, make something up. Something that sounds completely reasonable.
So what to do? Should he keep asking, that is, which he may not. Tell the sounds like the most made up lie ever truth, or the lie that appears far more truthful?
Don't ask me. I am the dumpee. Never the dumper. Weight. Dumb as a bag of hammers. Smell bad. Poor as a church mouse. All of the above. None of the above.
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