I have a little list

I am back from vacation. It was a vacation that had lots of rest time (yes, even with the twins running about!) and, consequently, lots of thinking time as well. I even had an afternoon at the spa.

My sister not only loaned me her car to get there and back (saving me the cost of a taxi) but gave me a gift card to bring the cost down. She has a number of gift cards, but no time to use them. I love the spa; twins or not if I had gift cards I’d find a way to use them! No complaints from me though, her having them helped me afford a lovely afternoon at the spa on Bear Mountain.

Sitting outside not enjoying the mineral pool (they very clearly stated that it was a mineral pool, not a hot tub. And they were right, the water was luke warm at best), I decided I should work on something to put in the blog. I’ve been getting very slack on that front, yes? So I did.

I thought about what I want to see when I look back on my life. Whether I’m looking back from a rocking chair at ninety, or in the few seconds before the falling piano lands on me next week, it doesn’t matter. What did I want to see? The words that came to me were if and should, did and tried.

I most emphatically don’t want to see "ifs "and "shoulds":

What is I had married someone else?

I should have moved when I had the chance.

What if I had stayed in Quebec?

What if mom and C. had lived?

I should have borrowed money and gone back to college.

I should never have dated that guy more than once.

I should have moved out of the house if I couldn’t keep up on repairs.

I should have worked harder on the business.

What if I had borrowed money for that café?

The list goes on, as such lists are wont to do. So I’m stopping there, because I don’t really want to think about it any more. And I don't want any of you to start thinking along those lines regarding your lives, so stop!

I do want to see a lot of "dids" and "trieds". Even if the things I tried were failures, so what? At least I tried them!

I’ve loved.

I’ve lost

I tried marriage

I have children

I’ve grieved

I wrote

I tried getting published

I traveled

I tried to have my own business

I tried to be a better person

This list could also go on, and I hope it does. Whether it’s next week or fifty years down the road, I hope the second list is ten times longer than the first. A hundred times longer! In fact, I hope the first list never even comes into play, so there.